Write Your Worst Possible Opening Sentence to a Novel

Also known as the: The Annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

The goal is to write the worst possible opening sentence possible to a book. Some examples are:

Quote :

Her kiss grasped his lips like an aroused sea barnacle; her breath smelled like wet feet mated with ham-marinated, salty, delicious; and the sea wailed around them like lovers in a trailer park.

Perry had come a long way in the nine years since being arrested by a park ranger in his '81 Firebird tenderly holding a spiral-cut, honey-glazed ham (with the bone removed).

The skydiver jumped out of the plane and felt his skin being pulled back like that of a dog sticking its head out of a car going 110 on the highway, owned by a driver rushing to be on time for work or else he would get fired by his boss with the curly mustache who owned a large speedboat.

I did this in class and since it was still 7 in the morning all I came up with was:
The creature emerged from the swamp, sort of like a drunk college girl suffering from numerous zombie bites.

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You guys can make as many as you want. If you would like to submit any to the actual 2010 contest check out
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

He finally find her grl, and she fell down the tower

"Well," I said, "at the very least he didn't go down without a fight."

"once upon a time..... a time of when these things actually seemed funny...... the freaking end happend"